Tim Minchin: If I Didn’t Have You

I believe I have said repeatedly that I don’t believe in ‘the one’. I’m not going to start again, because I found someone else who can do a better job at explaining anyway. I discovered Tim Minchin (comedian, singer) through thought catalog. He can be insufferable at times but I agree with what he has to say in this song. Don’t let the title fool you.

Look, I’m not undervaluing what we’ve got when I say
That given the role chaos inevitably plays in the inherently flawed notion of fate,
It’s obstruce to deduce that I’ve found my soulmate at the age of 17
It’s just mathematically unlikely that at a university in Perth
I happened to stumble on the one girl on earth specifically designed for me

And if I may conjecture a further objection love is nothing to do with destined perfection
The connection is strengthened the affection simply grows over time
Like a flower
Or a mushroom
Or a guinea pig
Or a vine
Or a sponge
Or bigotry

… or a banana (banana)

And love is made more powerful by the ongoing drama of shared experience and synergy
And symbiotic empathy or something like that…

The Lover’s Dictionary

David Levithan – The Lover’s Dictionary

True, love is hard to pin down into words. “Ineffable”, the author describes love to be. But with The lover’s dictionary, he tried. This book is like every other oxford dictionary, but with the author’s own definitions of the words A-Z. At the end you piece together a story of a couple, from all the evidence he sprinkled throughout the definitions.

The plot is my only gripe, because it wasn’t developed enough as a story. He may have the whole dictionary concept going on, but ultimately this is still a piece of fiction. The techniques he uses should support the story, not the other way round.

Maybe it has to do with that I’m in a relationship now so everything hits closer to home. I read one review that warned other singletons not to pick up this bore of a book. I disagree, I think it’s filled with gripping life moments that are so real, anyone would be touched.

Keep a real dictionary close by so you can compare a lover’s definition of a particular word with the original definition. What you find will be the true beauty of this book.

Fave wedding of the year

Sorry for neglecting! I haven’t had much to write about. But for the sake of updating I will come up with something, anything, to write about right now.

It has been quite the season for wedding bells to chime hasn’t it? My favourite wedding so far is hands down that of Christine Fan and Blackie Chen’s. It seems wrong to favour this over the royal wedding that was so fairytale-like and undeniably every girl’s dream. But 范范 and 黑人’s relationship is the sweetest love story. When they got together 10 years ago, I never thought they would last. They seemed to be from different worlds. On top of that, I had the biggest crush on 黑人. Along the way they definitely had their doubters, which 范范 sang about on her song 黑白配。Youtube it, it has the cutest lyrics too. Anyway now I think they are super compatible and 黑人 is going to be the best husband to 范范. Their love for each other is so deep, it makes me believe that love does exist outside of TV shows and movies.

Here is their wedding video. It helps if you understand Mandarin, because 黑人 made the most touching vow and I bawled my eyes out at that. Wow to have someone say those words to you. Who wouldn’t?

Vow:

在今天我正式把你娶回家

这是我十年来每一天都在做的梦

让我美梦成真

我能娶到你是上帝给我最大最美好的礼物和祝福

我能拥有你就是上帝给我最棒的坚贞

我会爱你永永远远

到天堂都要一直在一起

永不分离

Anyway from the bottom of my heart I wish them all the happiness in the world. They truly truly deserve it 🙂

Valentine’s Day spam starts now.

 

One of the best love stories of our time… 500 Days of Summer. It isn’t that romantic, it’s just very relatable, and strikes a balance between bitter and sweet. It’s like you’re being taken on a ride when you watch this film.

I had wanted to post a certain scene from the movie where Summer was singing Sugar Town on karaoke night in front of an audience. Personally I single out that instance to have sparked everything off. It was when he decided he would fall madly in love with her. Too bad it’s nowhere to be found online. Because I just love the look in his eyes in that scene. He was so lovestruck.

Then came all the insecurity and pain. It’s such an accurate depiction of real life.

Anyhoo, happy valentine’s day once again!

Ghosts from the past

These Crazy Shakes are here to stay!!

I insist you all watch Ghosts of Girlfriends Past. Not only is it a pleasure to watch, it is of high educational value. Many memorable quotes from the movie are still lingering inside my head, making me wish I watched it earlier as it offers valuable advice after valuable advice.

Looking at love from another point of view, I find that magic is pretty symbolic of love. We all know magic does not exist in real life, but some of us choose to continue believing in it. Whether by reading Harry Potter or watching Mr. Magorium’s, we are subscribing to magical fantasies, probably for solace or escape from our own ordinary lives. Love is the same in many ways, we believe it is the wonderful feeling of your heart skipping a beat, the tickle in your throat, the glow on you cheeks and shine in your eyes.

The only difference is, we are convinced of the fact that magic is not real. This is because we have tried and tested flying, teleporting, and disappearing, and we know they all don’t work. But there is no way to test that love isn’t real, you just keep thinking that it will happen SOMEDAY. The wait is futile; Love is magical comfort food for the weak and uneducated.

As you can guess, the dude in the movie is a cynic, very much like myself. Why are people cynics in love? Do we really want to be party poopers and rain on everyone’s parade, talk about depressing shit all the time? In the movie, this dude suffered great humiliation at his high school prom where he was ditched by the only girl he loved. He never wanted to go through that same suffering again. Love makes you feel warm and relevant, but leaves you weak and dependent.

Therefore, don’t blame us for being so negative, it is with reason that we do so. There is too much false hope out there, and someone’s got to play the bad cop.

However, I should have you know that Ghost of Girlfriends Past ends with the dude reformed into a believer again as he was reunited with his One. I’m not that big a bitch, I’m happy for him 🙂

Are you on board with SDN?

A month ago, The Straits Times ran a piece on the dwindling number of marriages among the younger generation… In the article they also mentioned a new dating campaign pushed by the Social Development Network (SDN) to encourage singles between ages of 20-33 to mingle and date. Whenever this issue came up in conversations with friends, I realize that this is the point they interject with a frown and scoff. “That is so lame.”

Matchmaking is commonly frowned upon, written off as for the ‘desperate’. You are forced to meet your potential One under very stressful circumstances- there is an elephant in the room impossible to ignore; both parties are actively over-analyzing one another for possible spousal traits, and rating their good/bad. This process to some, is unnatural and fake. Especially with SDN trying way too hard by sponsoring uni camps and trying to incorporate sexual hints in games, people have good reason to despise SDN. Moreover, ideally everyone should have his or her own ‘love story’. SDN matchmaking isn’t the most romantic way to meet.

However as vast majorities of people choose to focus on their careers during early stages of life, it’s not until a later age that we realize that oh crap time is running out, I need to get married NOW. And a guy is not going to fall from the sky just cuz you decided NOW is the right time. It is a practical world we live in, and matchmaking is a practical way to meet people.

I’ve perused the SDN approved dating website “LoveByte” and it caters to a variety of people, from tech yuppies, nature lovers, workaholics only free for lunch, to singles ready to middle. In the past, ‘Speed-dating’ used to be the rage, where a guy and a girl were given 5 minutes to get to know each other, before moving on to the next guy/girl to get to know. And at the end decide who is most worth knowing. However these days more personal activities are made available including nature walks, movie sessions, brunch, high tea, dinner and even day trips to Malaysia. I checked the availability of the activities and found that a handful were fully booked, proving their popularity. Not to mention, all activities are heavily subsidized. Membership packages run up to 600$ in value, but thanks to SDN, we only pay a mere $25. ☺

My point is, SDN has really put it out there for you. There’s no harm in giving it a shot. So put aside that stigma and go for it. In the ‘Singles Mingle’ sessions, they organize group activities where you just hang out and make friends, no pressure. If you continue being a stuck up bitch THINKING you are better than those who attend these sessions, you might be missing out on some! Hope I changed your mind on this issue. There’s no point thinking you’re better than everyone else and end up being the only one left on the shelf k?

The One pt 2: Waiting for the perfect man

We all have our personal opinions on whether The One exists. According to a survey done with Singaporean women by Her World magazine, 99% DO believe that The One exists. I can’t remember the exact stats of how many people were surveyed but I can surely say those pessimistic ones are quite negligible. We are all hopeful in love. But is this a blind kind of hope? We’ve all been hurt in the process of searching for The One so many times, that being hopeful might be a very foolish thing to do.

To draw an example: your favourite song just came on radio and you are extremely excited. You clear your throat and get ready to sing along. Then, you realize it’s just an advert. DISAPPOINTMENT. The second time it comes on radio again, the same thing happens. If you are foolish enough to fall for it the third time, well you truly are very foolish. Or optimistic. That is a nicer way to put it. I guess.

My point is, it is super difficult to know what life is going to throw you at whatever point of time. It’s really hard to predict when it’s the song playing or the advert. And before I wrote this, I tried really hard to come up with a stand on whether love exists and how to find it, but there really is no definite answer and I feel it really depends on your luck. Who knows, the third time that song comes on radio, it really might be the full song and not an advert right? Sorry for leading you around in circles without providing a sound conclusion. If you have any input on this subject, feel free to leave a comment!

However I found an interesting viewpoint from an article I read recently titled “We All Married The Wrong Person”– the title couldn’t be anymore negative, – it elaborates that we will never meet THE right person. But, we can meet A right person, if we wanted. You just have to make some adjustments on your criteriaa.

I guess that’s fair enough. Soulmates and all that seam too idealistic for this practical society anyway. Most people these days just settle down with a decent standard guy when it comes to marriageable age. Yeah OK, I’m quite sure love does not exist anymore. I just found my stand. Love HARDLY exists. It’s all about the sex and the money.

Do you agree?

The One

My dad once gave me some invaluable advice I will never forget. He said, “Before you get married, you better take a good hard look at the guy and make sure he’s the one.” Of course I haven’t been able to apply this piece of advice to my life as yet, but I still find it super relevant.

I know so many girls who are smart and beautiful people, who have been hurt deeply or cheated by boys (all stupid and childish). And when I see them so upset, I think those boys are such bastards to be unable to see the good thing in front of them. But whatever, those boys don’t deserve it.

I think girls get affected by boys too easily. I’m not just talking about just you, I’m a girl as well I know how you feel. Us girls we tend to be over-emotional, and I blame this on the fairytales we were read when we were young, they set such high standards for Prince Charmings and Happy Endings. These never seem to happen in real life.

And what about all the TV shows and idol dramas that target teenage-girl audiences. They make us so overly hopeful about love and relationships, no one cared to tell us about the ugly side. For example, Boy meets Girl. They get to know each other (over drinks, dinner, text messages…) and they fall in love and get together. But what TV failed to inform us, was how many frogs Girl had to kiss before she met Boy.

Yes, in our everyday lives, we encounter countless potential partners (well for some of us anyway). But who will emerge as The One? How do we know when to keep our guard up, and when to let it down? Will The One ever come? And sadly, is there even such a person as The One?

Spice Girls had a very serious message for all of us, when they sang “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends”. I am a firm believer in that, because an outsider gets a clearer perspective of what your prospective One is like, as we are not blinded by love like you are. So, look for your friends, ask for their help, they are super important.

And as for yourself, I really don’t want to see my friends upset over boys and stuff. Hell, I don’t want to be upset over boys. So let’s all be the strong independent women we are, and keep our hearts guarded against the bad ones.

When to keep our guard up and when to let it down, remains a mystery. I shall do more research and let you know soon. Below I added some lyrics I feel are quite apt for this post. It’s from an oldie called “Buses & Trains” by Bachelor Girl. Toodle loo!

Hey Mom
Why didn’t you tell me
Why didn’t you teach me a thing or two
You just let me go
Out into the World
You never thought to share what you knew

Hey Mom
Why didn’t you warn me
Coz about boys is something I should have known
They’re like chocolate cake
Like cigarettes
I know they’re bad for me
But I just can’t leave them alone